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Emotional intelligence is the innate potential to feel, use, communicate, recognize,
remember, learn from, manage and understand emotions.
Emotions & Life
As a teenager, you may be
dealing with lots of emotional highs & lows. One minute you might feel great & the next you feel sad & tearful. This kind of shift in your moods is okay!
Your life is changing,
just like your body. These mood swings aren't just hormones - you may be feeling a lot more pressure these days & you're
still developing the skills you need to deal with that pressure. You may be facing added responsibilities at home, tougher
grading policies in school & your friends may be changing.
As you grow older
you'll develop the skills you need to manage stress, but for now, just remember you're in a tough spot & need all the
support you can get. Reach out to adults & friends - there's always someone there who cares for you.
This section is devoted to
issues involving emotions & relationships.
Emotions
Being human is
an emotional experience - we all have our moments of happiness, sadness, anger, depression, anxiety & a host of others feelings. How do we deal with those emotions? Why are some feelings harder to handle than others?
Relationships
Like emotions, everyone has some sort of relationship with other
people. Unless you are a castaway on an island, you interact with people everyday. Relationships with parents, friends &
significant others (like a boyfriend or girlfriend) can be rewarding &
also frustrating.
click here for source
Study: Why Teens Don't Care
By Sara Goudarzi, LiveScience Staff Writer
posted: 07 September 2006 05:33 pm ET
If you ever sense teenagers are not taking your feelings into
account, it's probably because they're just incapable of doing so.
The area of the brain associated with higher-level thinking, empathy, and guilt is underused by teenagers, reports a new study. When considering
an action, the teenage medial prefrontal cortex, located in front of the brain, doesn't get as much action as adults.
"Thinking strategies change with age," said Sarah-Jayne Blakemore
of the University College London Institute of Cognitive Neuroscience. "As you get older you use more or less the same
brain network to make decisions about your actions as you did when you were a teenager, but the crucial difference is that
the distribution of that brain activity shifts from the back of the brain (when you are a teenager) to the front (when you
are an adult)."
Teen thinking
In the study, teens and adults were asked how they would react to certain situations.
As they responded, researchers imaged their brains.
Although both adults and teens responded similarly to the questions,
their brain activity differed. The medial prefrontal cortex was much more active in the adults than in the teens. However,
the teenagers had much more activity in the superior temporal sulcus, the brain area involved in predicting future actions
based on previous ones.
Adults were also much faster at figuring out how their actions
would affect themselves and other people.
"We think that a teenager's judgment of what they would do in
a given situation is driven by the simple question: 'What would I do?'" Blakemore said. "Adults, on the other hand,
ask: 'What would I do, given how I would feel and given how the people around me would feel as a result of my actions?'"
Developing sensitivity
Children start taking into account other people's feelings around
the age of five. But the ability develops well beyond this age, the new research suggests.
And while some of this sensitivity could be the result of undeveloped regions in the brain, the experience
that adults acquire from social interactions also plays an important role.
"Whatever the reasons, it is clear that teenagers are dealing
with, not only massive hormonal shifts, but also substantial neural changes," Blakemore said. "These changes do not happen
gradually and steadily between the ages of 0–18. They come on in great spurts and puberty is one of the most dramatic
developmental stages."
The results of the study were presented today at the BA Festival
of Science in the UK.
source: click here
Have You Forgotten?
I hear people saying we don't need this war
I say there's some things worth fighting for
What about our freedom and this piece of ground
We didn't get to keep 'em by backing down
They say we don't realize the mess we're getting in
Before you start your preaching let me ask you this my friend
Have you forgotten how it felt that day?
To see your homeland under fire
And her people blown away
Have you forgotten when those towers fell?
We had neighbors still inside going thru a living hell
And you say we shouldn't worry 'bout bin Laden
Have you forgotten?
They took all the footage off my T.V.
Said it's too disturbing for you and me
It'll just breed anger that's what the experts say
If it was up to me I'd show it everyday
Some say this country's just out looking for a fight
After 9/11 man I'd have to say that's right
I've been there with the soldiers
Who've gone away to war
And you can bet that they remember
Just what they're fighting for
Have you forgotten all the people killed?
Some went down like heros in that Pennsylvania field
Have you forgotten about our Pentagon?
All the loved ones that we lost and those left to carry on
Don't you tell me not to worry about bin Laden
Have you forgotten?
Have you forgotten?
Have you forgotten?
Darryl Worley/Wynn Varble, 2003 EMI Blackwood Music Inc./Hatley Creek Music/Warner-Tamerlane, Publishing
Corp. (BMI)
Anxiety, Depression, Self-Esteem
Being a teen isn't
always easy - a teen is somewhere between a child & an adult - & gets treated as both (usually
at the wrong time). Adolescence is a time of physical, emotional, intellectual
& social change.
With that change comes stress & anxiety - but most of these feelings change frequently. If a teen stays depressed
or anxious for more than a few weeks, or even when there is not an obvious cause of the emotion -
it's time to get help. Call a counselor or doctor for support - no one should deal with intense emotions
alone.
source: click here
Surviving Puberty: Moods & Emotions
by Grace Dole, 09.13.05
You've probably
noticed how your body changes during puberty. If you're a girl, your breasts get bigger and your hips widen. If you're a guy,
your testicles and penis grow and your voice changes. Both girls and guys get hair under their arms and in their pubic regions,
and they tend to sweat more and get acne.
Puberty also involves other developments that aren't as visible — changes
in your emotions, moods, and thoughts. All these changes happen when your maturing brain and sex organs send hormones to the
rest of your body, starting the process that helps you grow from a kid into an adult.
A New You
Many
people who look back on their teen years describe them as a rollercoaster of changing feelings. "You begin to have extremely
powerful urges and feelings that you've have never had before and have no experience dealing with," explains Dr. Jim Greer,
a child and adolescent psychiatrist.
During puberty, you'll start to have more sexual thoughts and urges. You'll develop
an attraction to girls or guys, or girls and guys, and you may discover what having a crush on someone feels like.
As
you get older, you begin to be able to think ahead, think about the past, and even analyze situations in a new way. Your new
abilities allow you to have more complex thoughts and feelings, but one downside is that it can be harder to move on from
negative emotions.
You may start to feel things more intensely. Life can be as dramatic as a juicy episode of The
O.C. — one minute you may feel on top of the world, and the next minute you may feel pretty down in the dumps.
Tanya,
14, says she often worries about her looks and what guys think of her. "I can feel fine about myself, and then one wrong look
from the guy I like makes me want to freak," she says.
While all these changes can be exciting, they can also be a
source of stress for teens. So how can you deal with your changing body and moods?
Talk About It
Once
good place to start is to talk to your parents or another trusted adult. "It's common for teenagers to feel uncomfortable
and embarrassed exploring these perfectly normal, healthy and necessary emotions," says Dr. Greer. But puberty is nothing
to be embarrassed about. Your parents have been through it — they can let you know what to expect and give you tips
on how to deal with changes. Older sisters, brothers, or cousins can be helpful, too.
Let It All Out
Many
teens find that writing, acting, music, and art are good ways to manage stress and help them feel more in control of their
moods. Your changing hormones may leave you hyper and restless, and finding a creative outlet — or doing something physical,
like dancing or playing sports — can be a great way to release excess energy.
And speaking of excess energy —
some teens find that they are sexually aroused a lot when they are going through puberty. While being aroused a lot can feel
embarrassing or out of control, rest assured that it is normal. As you get older and get more used to arousal, it will seem
less intrusive and more in control. Some teens choose to masturbate to release sexual feelings and others just wait for the
feelings to pass.
It's Perfectly Normal
Remember: although your feelings may seem out of control,
try to remember that your changing moods are a normal part of growing up. And by reminding yourself that it's OK to feel the
way you do, and that you don't have to act on your feelings, you can feel more confident and in control as you begin to get
to know the exciting "new you."
Do you ever know what your mother or father are feeling?
How do their feelings affect your feelings & emotions?
When I ask my son, Preston, who is 16 years old, "Preston...
I need you to take out the trash, feed the dogs and give them water and then after they eat - take them out so they can go
to the bathroom."
He will say, "Okay." Then he will go outside and start doing
something else. He wants to prioritize and decide when he will do things on his own. This makes me feel very insignificant.
I get angry with him for ignoring me.
Sometimes I feel like no one cares about what I think or want or need. I'm a mother,
a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a woman who cares about other people and works on over 28 websites for others, and
I'm an individual. Why do I need to be always doing things for others and I never have time for myself. Is that right?
Do things like this happen in your house? Tell me about it! Send me an e-mail!
We all have our own emotions and feelings. We need to take the time to recognize
that we're feeling something. This is called "being aware." Being aware is really important. It's a step in learning how to
recognize your emotions and feelings, identify them and process them. We must all learn how to do this - even your parents
- who may not know about this stuff at all.
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Honesty
If you search for tenderness
it isn't hard to find.
You can have the
love you need to live.
But if you look for truthfulness
You might just as well be blind.
It always seems to be
so hard to give.
Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And
mostly what I need from you.
I can always find someone
to say they sympathize.
If I wear my heart out on my
sleeve.
But I don't want some pretty face
to tell me pretty lies.
All I want is someone to believe.
Honesty
is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.
I
can find a lover.
I can find a friend.
I can have security until the bitter end.
Anyone can comfort me
with
promises again.
I know, I know.
When I'm deep inside of me
don't be too concerned.
I won't ask for nothin'
while I'm gone.
But when I want sincerity
tell me where else can I turn.
Because you're the one I depend upon.
Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I
need from you.
billy joel
Feelings
Most teenagers spend time thinking about their lives
and all the changes that are happening (like growing six inches in a year or developing sexually). Plus: friends. School.
Parents. Popularity. Looks. The future.
And then along comes cancer. At first it may feel like your
life will never be the same. How will your friends react? Why are your parents being so weird? How are you supposed
to go out in public with NO HAIR?
The first thing to realize is that your life probably never
will be exactly the way it was before. You will have changed. You will have grown up some. And, most likely, you will have
settled into a “new normal,” which is the way your life is going to be during and after cancer treatment.
One thing you may really want and need is the support of your
friends. Read about Danel, a high school student, and his friends. Click here for more on friends.
At SCCA and Children’s, there are lots of people around
who can help you and your family with your feelings as you are going through cancer treatment. These people will probably
stop by to see you, or you can ask to see them.
for more info on this subject & to view the source site: click here
One Reason Teens Respond Differently
To The World: Immature Brain Circuitry
PBS / Frontline / Sarah Spinks
We used to think that teens
respond differently to the world because of hormones, or attitude, or because they simply need independence. But when adolescents' brains are studied through magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), we see that they actually
work differently than adult brains.
At the McLean Hospital in
Belmont, Mass., Deborah Yurgelun-Todd & a group of researchers have studied how adolescents perceive
emotion as compared to adults. The scientists looked at the brains of 18 children between
the ages of 10 & 18 & compared them to 16 adults using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI).
Both groups were shown pictures
of adult faces & asked to identify the emotion on the faces. Using fMRI, the researchers
could trace what part of the brain responded as subjects were asked to identify the expression depicted in the picture.
The results surprised the
researchers. The adults correctly identified the expression as fear. Yet the teens answered "shocked, surprised, angry."
And the teens & adults
used different parts of their brains to process what they were feeling. The teens mostly
used the amygdala, a small almond shaped region that guides instinctual or "gut" reactions, while the adults relied on the
frontal cortex, which governs reason & planning.
As the teens got older, the
center of activity shifted more toward the frontal cortex & away from the cruder response of the amygdala.
Yurgelun-Todd, director of
neuropsychology & cognitive neuroimaging at McLean Hospital believes the study goes partway to understanding why the teenage years seem so emotionally turbulent.
The teens seemed not only
to be misreading the feelings on the adult's face, but they reacted strongly from an area
deep inside the brain. The frontal cortex helped the adults distinguish fear from shock or surprise.
Often called the executive
or CEO of the brain, the frontal cortex gives adults the ability to distinguish a subtlety of expression: "Was this really
fear or was it surprise or shock?" For the teens, this area wasn't fully operating.
Reactions, rather than rational
thought, come more from the amygdala, deep in the brain, than the frontal cortex, which led Yurgelun-Todd & other neuroscientists
to suggest that an immature brain leads to impulsivity, or what researchers dub "risk-taking behavior."
Although it was known from
animal studies & brain-injured people that the frontal cortex matures more slowly than other brain structures, it'as only
been with the advent of functional MRI that researchers have been able to study brain activity in normal children.
The brain scans used in these
studies are a valuable tool for researchers. Never before have scientists been able to develop data banks of normal, healthy
children. Outlining the changes in normal function & development will help researchers determine the causes of psychiatric
disorders that afflict children & adolescents.
source: click here
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Feelings & Sex
by Heather Boerner, 06.05.07
Sure,
sex ed may teach you what body part goes where & when — but does it teach you how you'll
feel after hooking up?
Probably, not. Unfortunately, even the most comprehensive
sex education usually teaches only the physical parts of sex. Most teens are left to figure out the emotional part by themselves.
It's All in Your Head
And young people often get confused, says Amber Madison, a former college sex columnist & author of Hooking Up: A Girl's All-Out Guide to Sex and Sexuality.
When Amber tours college campuses to talk about sex, it's almost always about the emotional aspects of sex. And what she finds
most of the time is that teens get confused about whether they're having sex because they want to or whether they're having it because of outside pressure.
On the one hand, Amber says, she's constantly breaking the myth that only boys like sex &
only girls want relationships: Many girls Amber meets like how sex feels physically & often, boys want to have a real
relationship, she says.
On
the other hand, Amber's also constantly reminding girls that having sex because they want to be liked by a boy isn't a good
enough reason to have sex.
"A huge one for girls who are seniors in high school
is to lose their virginity & get it over with before they go off to college," she says. "That's not enough."
Emotional Fallout
Dr. Bonnie Halpern-Felsher, associate
professor of pediatrics at the Division of Adolescent Medicine at University of California, San Francisco, co-authored a study
looking at how teens feel after sex.
The
study, published in a recent issue of the Journal of Pediatrics, builds on previous research that found teens expect
sex to improve their relationships, make them more popular & make them feel good.
What
this study found is that sex can do all those things, but girls are also more likely than boys to feel used & guilty after sex. The study also found:
- Teens experienced more positive
feelings after having sex than negative feelings.
- Up to a 1/2 of all sexually
experienced teens — guys and girls — said they felt used, guilty, or bad about themselves after having sex.
- Boys were twice as likely
as girls to feel more popular or good about themselves after having sex.
- Boys were also 3 times as likely to report that their girlfriend got pregnant & 4 times
as likely as girls to say they got a sexually transmitted infection.
- Teens who had vaginal sex
were more likely than teens that had oral sex to have positive feelings after sex.
- Teens who had both vaginal
& oral sex were more likely to report feeling pleasure & having stronger relationships as a result. This may be because
teens in longer-term & more stable relationships were also having more types of sex.
- Teens who had only oral sex
were less likely to feel guilty or to feel used than teens who had vaginal sex. Teens who only had oral sex were also less likely to report getting in trouble
with their parents or to have their relationships to get worse afterwards.
Sex Isn't the Only Answer
Dr. Halpern-Felsher thinks it's important for adults who teach sex-ed classes to acknowledge that
sex feels good.
"One
of the main findings is that sexual behavior, oral or vaginal, does have benefits to it. That's what teens are reporting to
us & what we know as adults," she says.
"But
separate from the benefits, the question is, is this the right time in your life to be engaging in an intimate act you may
not be prepared for? There are other ways to experience intimacy & benefits that don't need to involve sexual behaviors.
You also can get popular other ways."
source: click here
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