welcome to teens are emotionally feeling


emotions & feelings
feeling abandoned
feeling accepted
feeling accountable
feeling affectionate
feeling aggressive
feeling ambivalent
feeling angry
feeling anxious
feeling appreciation, feeling appreciated
feeling arrogant
avoidance -feeling the need to "avoid" something
feeling awkward
feeling balanced
feeling close
feeling curious
feeling depressed
feeling disappointed
feeling excited
feeling like a failure
feeling fearful or afraid
feeling frustrated
feeling happy
feeling hate
feeling hostile, experiencing hostility
feeling impatient
feeling indifferent
feeling joyful
feeling lonely
feeling in love... feeling loved.... loving
needed - need
feeling negative
feeling obligated
feeling open
feeling optimistic
feeling positive
feeling rebellious
feeling restless...
feeling sad
needing understanding - wanting to understand
feeling wounded

I'm stuck in my problems... who do I trust?

How Do You Know Who You Can Trust?

Whenever there's a lecture at school, or a TV show about a sensitive subject like sex or drugs, at the end they always say you should "seek out a relative, a teacher, a clergy person, or an adult you trust" if you have more questions.

But "Who do I trust?" is a tough question to answer. Eventually there comes a time when talking to your friends your own age isn't enough. Talking to your parents might seem scary, and you need to find someone to confide in who will keep your best interests at heart.

I used the trial and error method, and ultimately found Mr. and Mrs. Allen. I used to babysit for their kids. I chose them because they treated me - well, not exactly like an adult - but they demonstrated in both word and deed (leaving me in charge of their children) that they had faith in me. They seemed to genuinely like me and they were interested in the part of my life that went on when I wasn't watching their boys. More importantly, they were the adult version of who I hoped to be one day:
  • hip
  • smart
  • educated
  • unpretentious
  • warm

They were a little different from everyone else in my homogeneous neighborhood, and unapologetic about it. They were secure people.

I know I was lucky. There were other adults around me that tried to mentor me, to give me advice or encourage me to come to them if I was in need, but for whatever reason - fear of being judged, or fear they wouldn't respect my privacy - I never felt as comfortable talking to them as the Allens.

I'm so alone without anyone to trust...

How Can You Tell Who to Trust?

First, I'd say go with your gut instinct. If a person seems to be trying too hard to gain your favor, they may not have your best interest at heart. Do they seem cool because they think everything you do is A-OK (a dangerous thing), or is it because they really have their act together?

Here's a list of things you might want to consider:

1. Do they have anything to lose or gain by your decisions?

2. Do they demonstrate a genuine interest in more than one aspect of your life?

3. Do you feel they respect you for who you already are? (This will translate into respect for the person you are becoming.)

4. Do you respect them?

5. Do they live in a way you aspire to?

6. Do they have values similar to yours?

7. Do they have their act together, or are they constantly fixing messes?

8. Do they have time for you, or at least consistently make time for you?

9. Does your gut feeling say you can trust them?

10. Finally, ask yourself is this someone you genuinely like, or is it just someone you want to like you? If you're eager to have the person like you, they may not make the best mentor because you'll be tempted to go against your instincts to please them. Or, even more likely, you may not make a clear judgment about whether they're going to respect you as a person or not.

Trust Yourself, Too

f this person gets upset or disappointed when you don't follow their advice, if they encourage you to skip steps, lie, or violate your own morals to resolve a conflict, then they probably aren't the true emotional support that you're looking for.

Ideally a mentor will help you learn how to trust yourself and refine your own decision-making and information-gathering skills. In the end, remember that adults - even the ones who are good mentors and guides - aren't always right. Even though their advice may be well intended, if it feels like the wrong thing for you to do, it very well may be.

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getting connected for trust


"Every man has within himself a continent of undiscovered character. Happy is he who proves the Columbus of his soul."- Goethe

WHAT IS IT? Mentoring--from the Greek word meaning enduring--is defined as a sustained relationship between a youth and an adult. Through continued involvement, the adult offers support, guidance, and assistance as the younger person goes through a difficult period, faces new challenges, or works to correct earlier problems. In particular, where parents are either unavailable or unable to provide responsible guidance for their children, mentors can play a critical role.

A mentor is a special type of volunteer. A mentor is an individual committed to helping a student, identified as an at-risk, and a potential dropout, get his/her life -- academically, socially, mentally and physically -- back together. He is committed to expending the time and energy necessary to put the student on the right track. The role of the mentor is multi-faceted. A mentor is a big brother/sister, role model, and most of all a friend to the student. More specifically, a mentor must:

�� Be an effective listener. In many cases, the mentor is the only person that the student has identified as the one who will listen to his concerns and problems.

�� Help the student set short and long term goals. Convey the idea to the student that if he fails to plan, he plans to fail.

�� Help the student identify the positive things in his life (for example, hat he likes about himself or what things can he do well). Concentrate on his strengths and use them as a framework for helping a student overcome his/her weakness.

�� Convey to the student that there is always "hope" that his situation can be turned around, but that "hope" depends, to a large extent, on him/her.

�� Employ role-playing as a technique for solving student’s problems. Put the shoe on the other foot (for example, place the student in the position of teacher, parent, and so on…) when dealing with the student’s problem.

�� Help the student develop personal interests outside of school.

�� Get involved with the student. Try to commit one hour per week toward the student’s growth and development.

�� Help the student become more involved in all aspects of school.

�� Help the student learn where to go for help.

�� Be sincere and committed. A student can sense when you are not being sincere or do not have his interests at heart.

�� Develop a level of trust with the student. The trust relationship is of utmost importance is the relationship is to work.

�� Be a responsible role model for the student who may not have other role models.

�� Be punctual. Always meet the student at the scheduled times.

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